My Personal Journey

“I will never leave you; I will never run away from you.”

-Hebrews 13:5ERV

I read this passage from the ERV translation. It was by divine purpose. I’m very sure. As I started to read it, I felt that thing in my heart. You ever feel that little bit of heart pain? I knew exactly what God was saying to me today. Last night, before going to bed God had to deal with my attitude. Interestingly, yesterday, I read I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” Genesis 28:15. I know it was not coincidental I read this passage today, again.

Yesterday, was a challenging day for me. I believe if we could just be honest and not pretend everything is always great with our lives, we actually could help others who struggle in the same way as we do. I hate pretend, I would never make a good actress, and if I played poker I would loose right at the beginning as the cards were dealt. I wear my emotions on my face way to well. I really do try to hide and conceal but I just don’t know how.

I’m all about honesty and humbling myself when I’m wrong. I can’t fake anything. What you see is what you get, and I’m very confident in what I believe to be true. Can you imagine those rare moments when I’m wrong what happens to me? It’s like I fell into a pit and even with a ladder right in front of me. I can’t climb out of it. Yesterday, was a build up of the last few weeks.

I want to address a real life problem we all face. When we believe something is of God and then we find out it is not. I have to know the answers as to what happened. I identify my personality more like a judge. I need to learn the truth. I seriously could not understand why God allowed it. When I didn’t get the answers trying to figure it out, I got mad at ME! This stewed and stewed until I hit the boiling point. My approach was very very immature. I said, “Ok, God, it’s obvious I don’t hear from you. And why did you make me hear wrong when I repeatedly said I don’t care about this. Take it away. I’m good. Why keep me here for so long and have it go down this way?” No answer! Nothing!

Yesterday, on our way back home from the White Mountains, I told my kids, “I have decided to go to Italy for a couple of months. So, next year we will go to Italy for two months.” My kids weren’t so pleased with the idea. I came home and went straight to bed, like 7pm. I said to God these words. Don’t judge me now. I’m keeping this real. “God, why do you hate me? What did I do to you? I was upset. I couldn’t sleep. I turned the television to keep myself from getting more upset.

Towards the end of the movie, the woman out of desperation goes inside St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City, and to my shock, stands in front of the altar, and used the exact words I had just used, “God, why do you hate me? What did I do to you?” Now, I’m jumping out of bed. I know this isn’t just a coincidence. She was running away from where she needed to be. I knew God was saying, “Stop now. I don’t hate you. You didn’t do anything to me. I led you here for a purpose and a plan. You don’t have all the answers right now. What you're feeling right now isn’t truth. They are emotions based on something you can’t understand right now.

Then, God began to ask me questions. The first question. “You believe you don’t hear from me? Do you remember what happened in that very church this woman in the movie was in? You still think you don’t hear from me?” Let me explain what took place at the St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City. I wrote about this a few years back.

I went to see that church. There were so many people visiting too. Mass was not happening so people were walking around, kneeling, sitting, and taking pictures. As I turned the other side to leave, my eyes fell on a young woman sitting there. She wasn’t the only one sitting. But I felt God telling me to go over there and tell her, “God loved her, gave her specifically a Bible verse, and prayed with her. I wasn’t sure if I was hearing right so I left the church. As I got outside, I couldn’t go down the stairs, it was like I was paralyzed. I felt the Holy Spirit say, “Are you going to do what I asked you to do?” I turned around and went back inside the church and headed for that woman. I told her what I felt led to tell her, and she began crying hysterically. She pulled out a note and handed it to me. I took the note, and began to read it. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. It was a suicide note she had written to her mother. Her plan was going to the church, mailing the letter, and jumping off the bridge in New York. I prayed with her and gave her the scripture. I personally called her mother on my cell phone, got her to her hotel, made sure she was safe to get on a plane and go home to her family.

God reminded me in such a kind and strong way, “What do you think would have happened if you didn’t obey what I asked you to do? Then, all the things God had told me, and came to pass began to play like a movie in my head. God was reminding me that "You don’t hear wrong. I don’t hate you. You didn’t do anything wrong, and I lead you exactly where I wanted you to be. Just because you put your own spin to what I said doesn’t mean I didn’t lead you. People have their own free will. Choices are made by their own will. Get up, and continue on this road. I’m never going to leave you nor forsake you. I’m with you. I will not run away from you like you want to run away from the path I’ve placed you on. I made you a promise that I will not leave you until all the promises I’ve made you come to pass. Not one shall fall by the wayside.”

This morning, I saw the passage above. Obviously, the one last night and the one today gives the same message. I’m sharing this with you because we have ALL been there. We believe God was leading us a particular way, but it took another turn. Now, let me say a very important thing. If the decision you make goes against what God was leading you to, that’s on you. You missed out, but if it wasn’t you the blessings still falls on YOU. Listen please. From reading about the lives of the people in the Word of God, we can learn some very important lessons. 99.9% of the time the personal prophetic words God gave the characters in the Bible turned out different than how they interpreted by their own carnal mind. Look at Joseph. He didn’t think he would be placed in a pit, sold as a slave, land in another country, accused of rape, and land in prison. However, he never had an attitude problem. Not like me, I’m ashamed of myself. We learn from him. What’s important is that we obey God 100%. God honors obedience.

This was very interesting to me. One hundred percent total obedience was what God was looking to see from me, no matter what the outcome was. You see, God had already protected me through it. I never got hurt from the path He had me on. In fact, if I hadn’t taken that path, I would never have met people and done things God wanted me to do. Two days earlier, while running Justin out of the blue said. “You obeyed God, and God will take care of you. Thanks for setting such high standards and living by example. The standards you have are so very high the majority of people can’t reach where you are. They are not on your level. Please keep them there. Don’t settle for nothing less.” Hearing this from your child is humbling.

I realize I was a bit long here. However, I want to encourage you. God loves you. When you're sold out to Him, everything that happens to you is not by accident even those hurting times. Unless you moved out of His will, then we deserve what we get. If you obeyed God and it didn’t turn out the way you thought, look to God for the answers. Don’t act like me and try to run away. The greatest weapon we face is the weapon of failure. If we stay there, Satan wins. I’m getting up with a brand new attitude. I’m going to learn from my mistake. I’m going to be that much more careful. I’m going to seek out more revelations from God. I’m going to walk that much more closer to Him, I’m going to fully surrender every thought, every wish, every want, the works is what I’m going to do now. You know why? I want to walk 100% in obedience. Satan lost! I’m not giving in, and I’m not going to let him steal my relationship with God. I’m sure not going to believe the lie God doesn’t speak. Will you join me? Renew your mind today, pick up the sword of God, His Word and tear down the enemy’s false accusations, deceptions, and lies.

Remember, we are all tested, but what comes forth from the testing must be silver, gold, and a diamond. Shine for God. Diamonds are born out of pure hardships. How would we learn if there was no testing? The tests of life reveal what you're made off and brings you to where you need to be. I’m going to be a brilliant diamond, and I can’t be that without the toughest of lessons. Join me on this path; you will not regret it, and of this I’m 100% sure of. The greatest testimonies are birthed right at this place.

Dr. Teresa Allissa Citro

PRAYER: Heavenly Father, You are my God and my Lord. Thank You for the work You are doing in my life and for the work You are continuing to do. Through the trials and testing, I know I shall be refined and come forth as gold. You are the God who never leaves me nor forsakes me. Thank You for being the Unchanging God in an ever changing world. Father, help me to have my ears open to hear Your voice, and help me to have my eyes open to see what You want to show me and to see as You see. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Linda A. Knowles

#TopicArticle #life #trials #testing #testimonies #learning