My Beloved
- Dr. Teresa Allissa Citro
- Jan 22, 2018
- 6 min read
“Who is this that comes up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved?” -Song of Solomon 8:5
This passage is one of my favorites. I made it part of my Facebook page a few years back. I’m sure if you checked my profile, you would have seen it.
There are times in our lives when we have to go through that wilderness experience. You ever meet someone that everything in their life is wonderful and perfect? The real truth is what they portray is so far from the truth. They are pretending; it’s a fake persona, and it’s make believe. And if you're me you're thinking “For the love of God, stop been fake! I know what you're saying is false.” We all have wilderness experiences. It’s what we choose to do in them that determines our ultimate destiny.
This passage is me! I have been in that wilderness in a place of questioning every single thing, asking myself and those closest to me a gazillion questions especially God. How many times did I ask Him, “Why God? Why are you allowing this? What did I do? I don’t understand? Can you please help me to understand?" I know I’m not alone in asking these questions.
I remember being in church alone at the altar, kneeling there, and sobbing, non-stop crying, many, many times, waiting for God to answer those questions. One of those times, this verse came immediately to my mind. I picked up my Bible and read these words. God made it very clear to me, even if I didn’t understand everything at the moment, He was with me.
He reminded me this wilderness experience would reveal me. It would reveal everything I believed about God’s Sovereignty, His love, His goodness, His mercy, and His restoration power. Most importantly, it would reveal my character in who I say I was in Him and then came His promise, “Yes, I brought you into this wilderness experience because it’s all about you and Me. Remember just as I took you here, I’m taking you out of here. When I do, you are going to be leaning on Me your true Beloved. I will never fail you. Trust me, not what you think, see, and feel.”
I got off that altar that day, and I knew I would never be the same again. My encounter with God was so life-altering. I remember asking God, “Ok, please, can You tell me how long are You keeping me in the wilderness? Please do in me what You need to do fast! I don’t like this place.” Boy, was I so very dead wrong. It was the best place of my entire life. What I learned here in this place I would go through all the pain a thousand times over, again. What Satan meant for harm, God used it for my good, giving me purpose and a life I wouldn’t exchange with anything. Nothing!
In the wilderness, I learned all about God’s faithfulness, His protection, even when I was too naive to figure it out for myself. His guidance was right there near me, every step of the way, leading me into all truth with ordered footsteps to places I couldn’t have imagined or dreamed about, and His love was unconditional even in those outbursts of cries I would shout to Him and His voice of encouragement and reminder of His great love towards me and would show His partial revelations of my future in Him. His unfailing compassion never ends. He showed His power and majesty in quick answers to the smallest of my requests so I would know He was by my side, and when I told Him, “God please, I can’t go further anymore." His gentle voice spoke to me, “Alright, I will just carry you there!” You know what? I immediately, came to my senses, and got there, even crawling sort of speak because I knew deep down God was trying to teach me things. Being carried I wouldn’t have learned them, and I didn’t want those lessons to be re-taught. The wilderness wasn’t a place of deadness and parched land as what it represents. God reminded me Jesus went into the wilderness for 40 days. Moses was in the wildness for 40 years. Both left the wilderness infused by the power of Holy Spirit. You can’t go into the wilderness and come out the same way! You either come out alive and changed, filled with wonder and awe of what was shown, taught, and revealed to you, or you come back as dried up, sun scourged, and dead. The choice is really ours.
Two and a half years in this place and back to the altar I was. Again, there kneeling at the same altar, crying, but only this time crying tears of joy of all that God had done. This time God’s Words were a bit different. “Teresa, it’s time to bring you out of the wilderness. Remember it took a while for you to get here. It will take time for me to take you back. There are more lessons to learn, but I’m with you. You are not walking back alone. You are walking with me. Remember to lean on Me.” I picked up my Bible and reread that scripture. There it was that word "lean."
This morning, this scripture came back to my mind. My road to the wildness has been extremely painful. More then I can even describe. But, that wilderness? That was the best place I could have been. You see, I learned to lean on God. I learned to trust in Him. I learned to do everything as He asked of me, even if I didn’t like it, or understand it. Most importantly, I learned to only care about what He says, not people. Pleasing Him and not people. It has liberated me, set me free from man made rules, ideas, and thoughts. I knew of who God was but now I know who He is in my life. Like I know, know, know Him. It was a place of intimacy. It was a place where God showcased His glory to me -a place of transformation, wonder-working miracles, a place where God molded and shaped me into that vessel He wanted me to be and a place of absolute surrender in every single way possible between only God and me, totally in His hands, to do what He saw best.
It was a glorious place. I didn’t see it that way when I arrived there, but now my eyes have been opened to see the reason of the wilderness. All my questions have been answered, even if my journey is in the seventh year, but I’m out of that wilderness, and I’m at the edge of the promises of God coming to pass. I’ve learned the best lesson of all. “Leaning on the arms of my beloved!”
Dr. Teresa Allissa Citro
INSIGHT: It's all about surrendering yourself to God no matter what the problems or trials, in good times and bad times. It's a matter of walking by faith and not by sight. What promises are you believing God for? Have you surrendered your situation or desires to God? Have you heeded His counsel, and are you following His path He set out?
MEDITATION: "God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection. For who is God except the Lord? Who but our God is a solid rock? God is my strong fortress, and he makes my way perfect. He makes me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights. He trains my hands for battle; he strengthens my arm to draw a bronze bow. You have given me your shield of victory; your help has made me great. You have made a wide path for my feet to keep them from slipping." (2 Samuel 22:31-37) God does nothing without your best interest at heart. His ways are perfect, and every word God speaks, He fulfills. He will not leave you without hope, and as His child, His grace sustains you. His grace is more than sufficient for you. You are His child, and as His child, you find favor in His eyes. He will steady you, and He enables you to stand without slipping. Keep obeying God. Don't give up. Remember everything you are going through is to refine you, to make you come out as gold. Where you are at right now pales in comparison to the destination God has for you.
PRAYER: Heavenly Father, to You be all the glory for the plans You have in store for me. Thank You for being the Way Maker through the Wilderness. Thank You for being Who You Are. Father, I surrender all my desires and my circumstances to You, and Lord, all I desire is Your will for my life. Thank You for being the Shield about me, for being the Glory and the Lifter of My Head. I come before You, O God, and I am standing on Your Word, on Your promises because You are Keeper of the Covenant. My confidence and trust are in You alone. You are the Unfailing God, Everlasting Father, and You are My Jehovah Shalom. Thank You for the work You are doing in my life and for the work You will continue to do until the day it is completed. To You be all the glory. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Linda A. Knowles
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